Table For Jake

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2007-10-24T20:15:00.000-05:00

Earlier tonight, I was watching a movie down in the living room when my roommate shuffled in. Now, for background: this guy will probably have sports on during his wedding, ESPN will most likely cost him his first marriage, and he'll probably have the game on during the divorce settlement.

So - like I said, my roommate shuffled in.

"Hey dude, did you hear about the taco thing during the game?"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"The Taco Bell -"

Suddenly, I remembered. In 2004, Taco Bell had a promotion going that during the World Series, if someone hit a homerun in a specific spot, they would offer a free taco to everyone who came in. Sounds cool enough, right? Fuck no, if you think about it, which he didn't.

So, I take the time to explain how it isn't cool, how he was affected by the marketing behind it, everything. He gave me a blank stare, as if I were speaking a different language.

This absolutely stunned me. I mean, I know he's not the smartest guy in the bunch when it comes to marketing tactics, but damn. He was the perfect corporate whore. After talking to him a bit more, he didn't even know that Taco Bell was practically shitting out money to MLB, Inc. (yes, they're a company) to plaster the fact that they were giving away statistically improbable tacos that cost next to nothing compared to the profits from the other items they'll sell. He still didn't understand.

"So, you want a taco, right?"
"Yeah..."
"Is that all you're going to buy?"
"Well, no, I'd get other stuff."
"And would you normally go to Taco Bell if they weren't giving away some shit taco?"
(Rhetorical question. Taco Bell's 40 minutes from here, and he doesn't like to drive to buy groceries.)

Marketing permeated his brain so thoroughly that he couldn't even realize why a company would do something for profit. He honestly thought it was a cool, altruistic gesture on behalf of that lovely Taco Bell company.

Not everyone's like this, are they?

Related:

Original article from 2004

Seriously, we can't all be this stupid. Even other marketing sites point to how great this is.

twitch

2007-04-20T20:45:00.000-05:00

Figured it was an appropriate title for this post, since it's somewhat of a "spur of the moment" thing.

Stumble Upon. Been using it for only a few hours, and it's incredible. It's a pretty simple Firefox addon (I couldn't tell if they had made it for any other browsers during the few minutes I checked out their site.) It takes about a minute to setup, asking for a username, e-mail, and your personal tastes in sites. Nothing too hard there.

Ok, so I check off my usual half-geek categories: open source, Linux (which is quickly gaining more of my time,) atheism, gadgets, hacking, and music. That was it. Once I checked off these things, the addon told me to just hit the "Stumble" button to have fun. And, for demonstration purposes, here are the first three sites it brought me to:

www.musicovery.com - A freestyle music discovery site. Pick a genre or musical style, and listen to some songs from it.

http://www.leetupload.com/tutorials/hackingspoonfed/part1/ - One page from a site that demonstrates a basic how-to for cracking the average static WEP you'll find in your neighborhood.

http://www.pendrivelinux.com/ - Pretty much self-explanatory. Got a USB drive? Well, this tells you how to put a LiveCD of some sort on it.

Since I've spent the last few hours of my life scraping around the net tracking down artists I hear on Musicovery, I can quickly see this become a great time-waster while at work. Hope you guys enjoy, and I'll try to add some fun sites I find in the related links when I can.

the dizzying heights of stupidity

2007-04-09T23:52:00.000-05:00

Alright, it's long overdue; I've been way too nice to people lately, and I just can't let this one slide.

Apparantly, according to this report, a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic stabbed a random woman (they had to throw grandmother in for the heart strings,) thinking he was Carl from GTA: San Andreas. The best part? They can link it all to not only drugs (shh!) but also to video games! Holy shit, this story practically tells itself. But, for the sake of practice, let's just throw some logic at this one.

First - stop with the "skunk cannabis" stupidity. It's just weed. Strong weed, but that's all "skunk" means. Yes, it also refers to a specific strain, but it's still just a strong depressant. If someone were to smoke the crap, I don't think they'd become so much "murderous" as "hungry." Really hungry.

Second - GTA: San Andreas. Oh man, they'll look for any reason to throw a violent video game into a "news story." I say that because a news network is looking for ratings. All the time, same as any TV station. Violent video games anger the older generations who don't have the knowledge of how they work or affect people. For a more in-depth look, check out one of my earlier posts. Basically, you can't blame the tool or source of inspiration for someone's (read: an aware, conscious person - they can make their own decisions!) actions.

Third - PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIA. I don't think I can stress this enough. "I'm not sure Doc, I mean, you're the expert here, but I think it may have been the complete lack of reality rather than the weed." His diagnosis was a complete lack of fucking reality. Are you really surprised that he hurt someone? Hell, they even admit he's got a history of violence, including two convictions of mugging and assault.

Ok, so let's try an exercise. I'll Google "schizophrenic murder" and "cannabis murder." Let's see which one turns up more results.

Schizophrenia

Weed

"I think you may be a fucking moron, Doc."

Related:

In all fairness, you shouldn't consider someone dangerous just because they're mentally ill. I came across this link in the Google search and found it a nice counter-point to public opinion.

EDIT: Changed the Carl reference. I haven't played GTA since Vice City, and it shows. Thanks to Chris for the correction.

ubuntu and you too!

2007-04-01T13:00:00.000-05:00

For those who pay attention to whether I live or die, you may have noticed my absence online yesterday (since I'm connected in some form about 24/7.) This was due to my installation of Ubuntu, an open source Linux distribution.

So, 24 hours and 4 formats and reinstalls later, I am here to offer my own review and thoughts on the latest and greatest in the open source movement.

First - this is not my first Linux installation. I've worked with RedHat for about three months while I was at RIT, and installed my first Mandrake copy (7.2, if memory serves me) when I was 17. I've also uninstalled all copies of Linux within a week of placing them on my system (if you found out that an operating system didn't support USB mice in the year 2002, you would too.) So, that being said, take what I say at face value, and if you disagree, blame it on the fact that I have some experience.

Second - in order to get the installation right, I wouldn't take the low road. Windows was getting the boot. My only data available was a LiveCD which I knew worked on my comp from previous testing, and a 40GB external 2.5" drive with "Firefly" and 20 gigs of music on it - not exactly tech support material, but what I figure the average user will be walking in with.

Ok, so - installation. LiveCDs are the greatest thing an OS developer could make. Popped in the Ubuntu CD, and while I was installing the OS (this is completely through a GUI, mind you,) I could browse around on Firefox. Hell, I could even just play on the CD, screw around and check if all my devices would work with Ubuntu. Installation overall was just as easy as Windows or OSX, if not easier - very intuitive.

So, my complaints? Drivers. You might be wondering by now why I would have to install the same OS four times in a row. The reason is half my own stupidity and half unrecoverable errors. I've got an Nvidia card, a Geforce 6800GT; not new, but still enough to run almost any game you throw at it.

Ubuntu decided it wouldn't natively support my card, and with that, no custom resolutions. No problems, I've read that Nvidia has great Linux support, and I've installed drivers before, so I hop over to Nvidia's site and grab the latest drivers. I read on their site I need to go to a terminal and copy some commands they provide. Not exactly as user friendly as Windows, but they tell you what to do - most people can follow this.

"You have an X Server running. Disable it to continue."

After some searching, I find out the X Server is the GUI for Ubuntu. Ok, so disable it and paste that command, and Nvidia will take care of the rest, right? Not quite. I've now got a black screen with an error message telling me my kernel's unsupported with this specific driver. Huh? Whatever, just let me get another driver.

Nope. Not happening. Know what we will give you, though?

_

Yeah, look above. That's it. Last time I checked, a underscore can't show me a forum with tips. It's a FUCKING BLINKING LINE. And I didn't write down the command to reload X Server. This little cursor is intimidation incarnate to the average user.

So, long story short, after four reinstalls, several pages of printer paper with odd commands scrawled over them, I got my video card working. This is not something I want to experience again, nor do I imagine the average user would deal with this long before going back to a Windows CD.

On the plus side, everything past this was a breeze. Yeah, there's some terminal stuff to do. In fact, there's a lot of it involved with setting a system up. However, you'll always be in a GUI doing this, and forums have the added bonus of thousands of users who know the exact command you need to use - just copy and paste.

So, what's my overall impression? I love Ubuntu. I'm using it at the moment to type this, and I'm finding all sorts of perks to it that Windows can't touch. It's also the most user-friendly distro of Linux I can think of. Also, it's FREE. Kinda hard to top that. However, to become a real competitor, there needs to be some more enthusiast-friendly documentation. I'm not a coder, and a command line isn't my preferred method of computer interaction, though I know it pretty well.

Also! My loyal readers all have a bonus - you now know someone who's installed Ubuntu as their primary system, and can help you through whatever questions you may have with it. Be intimidated by the command line no longer, just toss me an e-mail or IM with your question, and I can point you in the right direction.

Anyways, hope everyone at least checks Ubuntu and the open source movement out, and those who take the plunge have my undying support. Take a look at the related links below for some more info.

Related:

Want to just find out about Ubuntu? Check out their website and find out for yourself.

Linux can be intimidating, and finding obscure commands for a specific flavor of Linux can be a daunting task. The Ubuntu forums have a huge user base though, and most of them are always willing to help out the newbies.

tough choice: work for the RIAA, or herpes?

2007-03-28T16:55:00.000-05:00

The other night, I was sifting around the net, listening to one of my personal favorite online radio stations, Digitally Imported. While poking around their site, I came across this.

Don't want to read? Fine - it's an announcement of a new price increase on internet radio stations. For the most part, these stations are free, run completely on donations or the funds of the owners themselves (there are some memberships, but come on. They're not that expensive.) The price increases are as follows:

$.0008 per play for 2006
$.0011 per play for 2007
$.0014 per play for 2008
$.0018 per play for 2009
$.0019 per play for 2010

Yeah, doesn't seem like much, does it? Check this out, from SaveTheStreams.org's site. For the average station (most have several thousand listeners per channel,) costs are jumping to $2 million or more in the next few years. The best part? These costs are retroactive, according to the stations complaining about this rate hike (i.e., all of them.) That's right Einstein, stations are going to be paying for the music they've played for the last year or so.

Well, what does this have to do with the RIAA? According to several sites, blogs, etc., the increase in royalties was lobbied in no small part by the RIAA. I wouldn't be surprised in the least bit if they were completely behind it.

Personally, I want to continue listening to stations like DI for membership fees of less than $500 a year. If you do too, check out some of the related links below.

Related:

Want to sign a petition? We all know what good they do, but it's at least worth a shot. SaveTheStream's got one up.

Want to do more than just sign the petition? Check this out to find your state rep and send him a form letter, or one of your own.

EDIT: As a side note, I highly, highly encourage anyone else with a blog to use these links and information freely. (My information is free anyways, but I really want to stress it here.) Check this stuff out for yourself, and get anyone you can to help out. Read my note for inspiration, you penniless hippies.

beep beep, i'm a phone!

2007-03-20T16:10:00.000-05:00

For those who don't know, I recently got a new phone (same number.) Since it has a metric shitton more possibilities than my last phone, I thought it'd be nice if I shared what I had found in the last day I've owned it.

First - custom ringtones. Almost any new phone has mp3 support in some form or another, and there are always sites and services that will sell you ringtones for whatever phone you have. If you're like me though, you don't feel like spending cash on what some jackass felt was a decent song, filtered down to 60kbps or so. That's where Audacity steps in. You can cut clips from your own mp3s, at your own bitrate, then move them to your phone as you see fit.

Also, if you like pre-cut clips without the price, check out Blackberry MP3s. Great site that has some low-bitrate clips from a ton of songs.

Second- video clips. Some phones can play them, some can't. If yours can't, skip this and read on. I personally use imToo to convert files to 3GP format (most phones on the market will use this format unless a carrier changes it.) I managed to pop an entire movie into a 150MB file pretty quickly. Music videos and the like would probably go much faster. Or, once again, if you want to check out some pre-made clips, go to Blackberry Movies.

The third thing that isn't for the feint of heart would be flashing your phone. You can change the startup screens, icons, pretty much everything that the carrier usually puts on your phone (I'm sure you've gotten sick of the U.S. Cellular and Verizon crap by now.) It also runs the risk of bricking your phone, so take my advice at face value and proceed with caution. A good site for Motorola phones (they seem to be easier to break into since many carriers provide them) is The Moto Guide. They deal mostly with Razrs, but the same principles apply to almost all Motorola phones.

Anyways, good luck with your phones, and don't pay for crap you don't need to. Larr-Bear has commanded it.

cloak and dagger for dummies

2007-03-11T15:18:00.000-05:00

So, since it has surfaced yet again (and pretty much daily in our society) I figured I would do a post about the IT Security field, something I've got a personal interest in.

I'm sure by now that anyone who reads tech boards, news, etc. will know about the recent Wal-Mart tech scandal where an employee was fired for intercepting text messages from between a New York Times reporter and Wal-Mart employees. An even earlier reminder of this type of espionage can be found in the HP scandal a few months back; the CFO resigned and a prominent lawyer associated with HP was disgraced as a result.

Despite all of this, I constantly see technology progressing in the wrong direction. While technology becomes stronger and harder to break, the people who use it are no more educated about its perks and utility than they were five years ago.

The weak point in all of this, as any decent cracker can tell you, is the person who uses the system. It doesn't matter if you've got a router with a built in firewall, the latest Bluetooth devices all touting SMS message encryption, or a WAP with 128 bit encryption - if the person doesn't know how to use it, they won't. Even worse, they won't know how to stop information leaks or who they should talk to.

An example of this: I work in a campus computer shop. We're often called upon to go out on campus and service machines, pick them up for repairs, etc. Usually, unless I stay within the ITS department, the people I see couldn't tell me apart from any other student (or anyone for that matter.) I wear normal clothes and carry no sort of visible identification. However, I've never had a problem going to someone on this campus and getting access to a computer from them, or even taking the hard drive out for repairs.

"So, what's the problem, Larry? You just seem nice."

The problem is that the hard drive could contain personal information for hundreds of students. If this information was to leak, it would create obvious problems. To make matters worse, even if it was traced back to wherever the drive came from, no one would know who picked up the hard drive - no one asked for my I.D.

This might not seem important to someone who doesn't go to my campus, but think about it: what if you put on a techie sort of outfit, walked into a bank with enough information to weasel a computer away from a clerk, and walked back out with about 600 account numbers? I think those people would be pissed.

Learn to use MAC filtering on your home networks, find out how to disable Bluetooth access on your phone if you don't use it, and for the love of all that's good in this world, stop leaving your SSID as "linksys" and "hpsetup."

I know technology is intimidating to people. You don't have to know the ins and outs of it to let it protect your information though.

As a final note, I highly encourage people to check out Kevin Mitnick's book entitled "The Art of Deception." It's dated somewhat, but the principles still apply.

Related:

Want to stay in denial about how easy it is to intercept information? Read here.

Think cracking a wireless network is hard? Try Aircrack and Airsnort and tell me that.

A more humorous, helpful approach to wireless security: Bluejacking.

best buy corporate office - next stop, hell

2007-03-07T11:40:00.000-05:00

So I read this earlier this morning on [H]ardOCP and couldn't believe it. Best Buy has apparently had a second, internal website and it displays store prices without sale, etc. Employees have been using this to weasel out of the "price match" system that Best Buy currently uses.

I'll give you an example: you found a great 30GB mp3 player for $240 on Best Buy's website. You decide you want this, print off the page, and go into your local BB store to price match the ones they have in stock. You find the exact model on the page, go to the cashier, and try to pay for it. The cashier tells you that it's the wrong price and they can't sell it to you at the sale price - you've gotta pay the store tag price. When you show them the page you got from the public website, they say that's also wrong and take you to an in-store kiosk, which proudly displays the store price on the internal-use website. Managers will even back this information up.

Even though this story as I read it is pretty recent, this type of deception has been going on for years (check out the related links below; I'll add more forum posts as I find them.) Best Buy says its a simple misunderstanding, but if this problem has been going on for this long, with this many confirmations from John Q. Pissedoffpublic, then it's a blatant lie, and the Connecticut Attorney General's Office seems to agree.

If you ever wanted another reason to never shop at Best Buy (aside from Monster Cables priced 300% above the material costs,) then look no further than this post.

Related:

Best Buy tries to play off the recent scandal, but no one's buying it.

silly rabbit, cocaine is for kids!

2007-03-05T11:04:00.000-05:00

I've gotta tell ya, just when I thought people could get dumber, here it is: Cocaine. It's an energy drink - 280 mg of caffeine per can (compared to an 8 oz. cup of coffee, averaging around 50-100 mg.,) not to mention all sorts of other goodies - guarana, B vitamins, etc.

This new drink strikes me as a perfect marketing ploy - name it something slightly taboo in our culture, but something popular that's associated with high-energy, nonstop fun. And who will we market this stuff to? Teenagers, of course. Who else will be intrigued by this as much as them?

So, what's the problem, you ask? Well, the prude and all-knowing parents decided that because this energy drink is labeled "cocaine" then it would make kids jump straight to the real stuff for a larger kick. Can't make the obvious connection? Neither can I.

Look, no one here is saying kids should be sold cocaine (the actual drug.) Any self-respecting drug dealer who wants to stay in business won't sell shit to kids - it's frowned upon in those circles and is just plain bad business practice, as this woman shows. However, to be so stupid as to say that an energy drink will cause someone to take up an actual drug (oh noes!) is moronic and pointless at best.

Kids (read: teenagers) will be intrigued by this - it's a legal product that refers to something illegal in this country. Tongue-in-cheek "naughty" things are incredibly popular in America. On top of this, the product is designed to burn your throat and sinuses a bit, making it "replicate the real thing," to paraphrase the owner of Cocaine. To a teenager, that's risque enough to warrant trying it.

I've met people that were addicted to various things, and I don't remember any of them saying "well, it all started with a provocatively-named energy drink." Granted, I didn't ask them if the addiction started with the drink, but I'm assuming I wouldn't need to. If an addiction started with something that ridiculous, I'd tell everyone I know about it.

Worried about your kids not knowing the difference between a drink and a drug? Be an actual parent, teach them that the drug exists, why you feel they should / shouldn't do it, and stop giving me reasons to call you an asshat.

I have the slight feeling I'm going to draw a lot of fire for this one.

*stands up for applause*

And the crowd goes silent.

Related:

Cocaine Removed From 7-11 Stores

Cocaine Removed From School

Cocaine Banned In Australia

vista got died.

2007-02-26T10:25:00.000-05:00

Yes, for those of you who haven't experienced this already, Vista is a pain in the ass to work with.

A large percentage of my loyal readers already know this, but for those who don't, I work in a local computer repair shop. We sell, maintain, and repair systems - pretty self-explanatory. However, since last summer, we've had all sorts of fun fixing customers' systems after the WGA debacle. There's a laundry list of reasons why the WGA doesn't work. The fun part? Most are incredibly hard to find and are even harder to fix. I can personally recall two systems I've had to reinstall Windows on (after just installing it, mind you) due to unrecoverable problems with WGA. I've also resorted to, well, less honorable methods. (*cough*wpakill*cough*)

So what does all of this have to do with Vista, you ask? Well, I'm glad you did. According to this recent article by ZDNet, these issues are continuing to happen with Vista. Legitimate users are having problems dealing with Windows Software Protection Platform (hereafter referred to as SPP) and basic, up-to-date software that the average user deals with. Apparantly, Vista thinks a lot of software acts like rootkits and then decides to call the operating system "tampered with" and illegitimate. Go Vista.

What makes it even better, going by the article, is that a SPP problem can also be caused by some other commonplace actions:

You may be prompted to activate Windows Vista on a computer on which Windows Vista activation was not previously required. Although this problem rarely occurs, it may occur during typical use of a Windows Vista-based computer. For example, this problem may occur under one or more of the following conditions:
• You install a device driver.
• You install a program.
• You run a new program.
• You remove a program.

Sound familiar? It should - these actions occur on a daily. fucking. basis. And I checked this out - it's directly from the powers that be at Redmond.

Yeah, Vista's new. However, WGA isn't, and the problems with that are still occurring. I'd bet all $4 in my bank account that this crap is going to continue for a long, long time. This means the average user is going to encounter anti-piracy at it's finest, not know what it means, and become frustrated at a "system they paid hundreds of dollars for that doesn't work right." Why is that quoted? Because I'm quoting about a hundred customers at the shop that I've personally dealt with on this.

So, if you're my average reader, you skipped all of this and are looking for the witty and quick comment at the end. Well, here it is: Microsoft, in all of its glory, is steamrolling the average user yet again. Their system still isn't secure, and never will be to the people that want to crack it. They're just screwing the little guy over in the end.

Related:

Blue Pill (a hypervisor to run unsigned code on a Vista system) and the fun story behind it.

Want to be anti-Microsoft? Do your part with open-source software, such as OpenOffice, Firefox, and Thunderbird.

intarweb of evil

2007-02-21T11:15:00.000-05:00

Recently, Dr. Vinton Cerf (the V.P. of Google) has been quoted with the following: "The Internet is a reflection of our society and that mirror is going to be reflecting what we see. If we do not like what we see in that mirror the problem is not to fix the mirror, we have to fix society."

Personally, I love this quote. It was obviously intended to be a comment on how people can't blame the Internet itself (or the technology and ideas behind it) for the content or its use; however, I feel that it applies to far more than just that.

Ever seen a lawyer on T.V. blaming video games for his client's mental breakdown in which the teenage jackass shot up his school? Ever seen the local news playing a story on how guns are destroying our society, or how television, movies, and games are corrupting the youth? It's a complete load.

In all reality, all of these things we blame for our problems in society aren't really at fault. A gun doesn't necessarily make a person violent - it simply provides an outlet for someone who doesn't have the capacity to deal with violence on their own. It's the same thing with video games, music, or movies - they aren't the reason for an ugly or reprehensible culture, they're just a reflection of it. If you don't show someone why they shouldn't hurt another person, or hate a group of people, or something else of the like, then it's not the fault of the tool if they use it to self-destructive (or worse, just plain destructive) ends.

Yeah, the Internet's a haven for the immoral, the selfish, the despicable, and the twisted. But does that make the Internet the problem, or the people?

BBC News Article
InfoWorld Article

weirdness

2007-02-19T21:45:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I was making my second of what's becoming a tradition with me: giant muffin tops. This is a time-honored, respected 2-month old tradition where I take a batch of muffin mix, get pissed at the fact that we have no muffin pans, and make one giant muffin top in a glass baking dish. As we all undoubtedly know, the top of a muffin is the best part. I'm pretty sure we could form a group to research why muffin tops are the best part and get a humongorous grant for it. (Link courtesy of fillet-of-soule - Travis)

So, why tell you about my odd muffin top tradition? Well, I want to know about yours. Share it with all... one... or so... readers of this fine place on the intarweb. I'm pretty sure anyone with a pulse can beat giant muffin tops, so knock yourself out.

less DRM = happier customers

2007-02-15T13:43:00.000-05:00

In a positive note, I saw an article recently that follows up on Steve Jobs' posting describing his thoughts on DRM. For those of you who missed it and don't like reading, it basically states that he is in favor of removing DRM on most of the music record labels push out.

Dave Goldberg, the head of Yahoo! Music, has also spoken in favor of the removal of DRM-protected music. (If there's a phrase I hate using more than "DRM-protected", I'll let you know.) However, he's also called out specific companies a bit more than Jobs' did, as the following states:

"He said that the Microsoft DRM that Yahoo Music uses 'doesn't work half the time.'" (SVW.com article, p.1)

Going by the brief article though, not only does it seem like CEO's and their ilk are becoming ballsier towards recording companies, but Dave almost seems like he supports more open formats, such as mp3, ogg, etc.

Dunno though, toss me your opinion on the whole thing. The real question is, what exactly is the motivation behind all of these open opinions? It's obvious that non-DRM music sells more, so it's gotta be money, I just hate saying it.

Original Article

first post - again?

2007-02-14T16:08:00.000-05:00

Welcome one and all to my second of three blogs. The first was lost after about three days of page viewing, so I've now resorted to a free blog until the third iteration (my own domain!)

Many will ask questions: "Where do babies come from?" "Why does he keep making blogs no one reads?" "What the hell is with the title?" Well, ladies and gentlemen, I can answer one of those questions. The title of this blog will eventually be the same as my domain, so I want consistency. As for why the title is what it is, that's an entirely different story.

About two years ago, I lived in Rochester, NY. Yes, a far cry from my current squalor, desolate surroundings. Every week or so my then-roommates and I would go out to a restaurant, and since I'm a loud bastard, I'd reserve the table.

During one of these outings, I went up to the attractive hostess (as if they hire ugly ones) and said plainly, "table of four for Larry" assuming my name was unique enough to get a table.

"What? Jake?"
Meh, the music's loud. She probably can't hear.
"TEWKSBURY!" There's no way in hell she can't hear me now.
"What? JAKE?!"

At this point, I'm convinced that the restaurant's an equal-opportunity employer. They've hired a deaf and retarded girl to seat people. "Tewksbury" is to "Jake" as "apple" is to "thermonuclear toast." Fuck it.

"Yeah, Jake. You got it."

And to this day, whenever I'm in charge of giving a name for a table list, I say Jake. The strangest part is that this hasn't created any confusion - not even once. Apparently everyone's naming their kid Larry these days.

•	You install a device driver.
•	You install a program.
•	You run a new program.
•	You remove a program.